In the true spirit of the uberliteratii, those of Joycean stature who reinvent the language whenever it bleedin’ well suits them, I offer the following blog post, written (almost) entirely in Pseudo-Deutsch, a language composed of equal parts bier and schwein, just like the Deutschbags who speak it. And as always with any Germanic words of more than 4 syllables and 12 letters, look for the root words; apply your decoder ring, and guten apetit!
Das ist mein erste sheisseblog mit alles pseudoDeutschsprechen. Die bloggen ist uber:
- Farhtenauslanderbarfen
- Auslanderhorden befuckenmeinherzlichzitty
- Auslanderschweinen
- Pissung und Shittung
- Die bestestbiergarten und Schweinerei in Berlin
Ein auslandergebarft in mein U-bahnfahrten in die weg das mein haus. Die grossebarf kommt in mein direktion! Ich! Ichy! Das schweinenauslandergebarf rannt in die direction auf mein fuss! Mein neue shuhe un mein perfektlich uberkleen diskohosen war in danger! Das is NICHT die erste zeit ich zee die schweinenauslander machen SHEISSE in mein herzlich zitty. Ebertag ist schweinentag mit auslander. Warum? Das ist fakt: alle auslander gestinkt. Nicht auf bier-und-wurst-gestinken, das ist normal. Die auslander gestankt von pissung und shittung. Aus dem gutterhausen und die schweinerei kommt die auslander. NichtsprechenDeutschenschweinen kommt to Berlin und betaken die bestest bier, die wurstschwein und die frauenmitgrossenbusen.Scheisse! Auslander RAUS! Sniffenmeinfahrten! Suckenmeinshaft! Das ist mein zitty, mein schwein, mein frauen und mein bier. Runst du von Spanien oder Norgeland. Du art NICHT wilkommen hier. Also: Spanien ist besser fur auslander, naturlich! Und Norgeland, nicht getten mich startet…
This post goes out to all the Nazi Deutschbags who are alive and well in Germany. They know who they are. They block MY STREET and march with cops protecting them, they sneer and laugh at foreigners when we walk down the street (saying things loudly like DEUTSCH! when they hear us speaking English) and yell at us when we try to do something simple like buy a fucking train ticket. Fuck you, Germany. Time to clean house, bitches. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Guess you never heard that one because a black man said it. Word.
Ok, time to prune my Google Reader subscriptions a little...
ReplyDeleteSniffenmeinfahrten!
ReplyDeleteLove it, Craig!
@Phil: yes, we of the db team (snicker) wouldn't want to offend (chuckle) our more gentle readers' sensibilities (guffaw). Especially someone who doesn't understand satire or turns a blind eye to the simple fact that Germany not only tolerates extreme racism, but actively protects Nazi marchers as a matter of police policy. "Oh, they're not wearing Nazi symbols, just black clothing. Alles gut." Why is this permissible in the 21st century? Why do large companies hire intolerant Deutschbags who scream DEUTSCHE!!! at you if your Deutsch isn't perfect when you speak to them. FUCK THEM ALL. THEY CAN GO SUCKENMEINSHAFT. The rest of Germany needs to stop this sheisse rather than tolerate it. I have no tolerance for intolerance.
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@Snooker: Glad someone liked it; thanks, Snookums!
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I'm only catching up now and am seriously impressed with your German. You have it DOWN man!
ReplyDeleteYour approach to combating racism - while not exactly PC - certainly brought a smile to my face, but probably will not have the desired effect as the people at whom you direct your ire (which is German for Irishman btw - check out THAT prejudice right there) will probably not be reading these here words due to their sensitive sensibilities and lack of sensible sensitivities.
I suggest you simply barf back on the fucker who barfed on you.
Jawohl, mein Deutsch ist uberwunderbar! What is the PC way to fight racism? Not that I would give a fuck. The so-called PC people are simply thought police. I can hate whomever I want with impunity, and I choose to rant about the intolerant Deutschbags who hate me. The point of my Ire (the IREony isn't lost on me) is yet another satirical rant written in the imagined voice of the Deutschbag. I'm not so good a writer as to be able to get inside their empty heads for real, so I invented a language to express this. If I offended anyone I believe I did my job. And nobody barfed on me. It was the imagined Deutschbag who received fictitious auslandergebarfen. Sorry I lost you there and danke for the comments. Dankeverymuch.
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most germans do not tollerate nazis. i just part of the german constitution that everybody has the freedom of speech and the freedom to have his own opinion..thats part of a democracy u know? there are actually a lot of anti nazi demonstrations too. the only reason the nazis are protected by the police is that otherwise they would get violent
ReplyDeleteps: your blog isnt satire, its just some jerk talking crap
Dear Anonymous Coward (aka Pussy-Ass Bitch),
ReplyDeleteWrong, wrong, WRONG. You trolls never get it right because you are stupid little petty halfwits who feel the need to piss in others' Cheerios. 1) This blog post isn't about Gemrans, just Berliner Deutschbags. If you are one, I'm glad I offended you. 2) Democracy? Don't make me laugh. Google 'Corporate Oligarchy' and shut the fuck up. 3) Freedom of speech is not absolute. My right to swing my fist ends where your nose begins. You also cannot scream 'FIRE!' in a crowded theater if there is no fire. Nazi Deutschbags preach and practice hurting others. The cops are protecting them from the Anarchists, who would love nothing more than to stomp seven shades of sheisse out of these braindead Nazi fuckwads. I say, in my freedom of speech: LET THEM STOMP. 4) This blog does exactly what it says on the tin. See above right under the banner. Equal measure of parody/satire, bullshit and other scary ingredients. You have already given me the de facto right to talk whatever crap I want to whomever in this 'Democracy.' So grow a pair and use your real name when you insult me and my work. Or just fuck off and join your Nazi friends when they march, beeotch.
Aaaaahhhhhhh. I feel better now that I've expressed my Democratic right to talk crap. Thanks for the opportunity!
db