Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Sum Total of Human Knowledge on Strike

I was just now going to wikipedia, as one does when, well, you know.  I was probably looking up some factoid to include in the non-bullshit segment of the Dunkin’ Berliner Blog, just to make sure I had my facts straight, in order to keep this here blog from tumbling into the Abyss of Total Bullshit (or bullscheisse as the locals say).  I got the Wikipedia Blackout Page.

And it started off as such a good day:  9am, down to the donut pusher; drei pfannkuchen mit kirsch, bitte, chuckles from the staff at my lousy pronunciation, me clearing my throat and throwing such a DRRRRRReeeiiii at them that the staff and customers had the biggest chuckle that this here one man donut theater has ever witnessed in the presence of fresh donuts; back to the flat to push the last bit of code over the cliff and launch my long-awaited (mainly by myself) new photography website into the cyberwaves; bowl of Turkish coffee Czech style, throw a fistful of espresso and boiling water into the biggest fuckoff coffee mug I could find at the Boxhagener flea market for under ein Euro, a veritable Cornucopia of Christian Crank, as it were; chase out the cobwebs and become the productive human I always knew I would be; last bits of website done by noon, all contacts in address book spammed profusely by 1pm.

Met my photographer buddy for tea and crumpets (I don’t even know WTF a crumpet is but it looks good when I write it); discussed the downfall of Western Civilization and/or the need for more work in the barren Berlin wastelands; went out for Vietnamese food; returned home...

BLACKOUT.  I couldn’t get The Knowledge.  Instead, I got the stark blackout page announcing a protest of some dumbass legislation in Amerkkka about the internet.   I’m not going to analyze it overmuch; I’m just an educated hick from Sacramento with a penchant for deep fried lard pastry and too much time on his hands.

For the record:  I tried to contact my Congressman but I don’t have one; if I did I’d surely be on his hit list.  I wanted to fb the hell out of it, but I was thrown such a shit storm of illegible captcha that I thought the Black House was taken over by Sharia law.  Try this:  hit refresh over and over in the captcha form.  Watch it degrade into a bigger and bigger mush of squiggly lines.

“And they were singin’ bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove a Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.”

“You can have my [insert sacred item here*] when you pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

[Fade to black]

*suggestions:  donut, gun, internet, brain, money, doobie, booby, crucifix


  1. I hate those Captcha codes! Sometimes I am sure I'm going blind from trying to see them!

    I wasn't happy about the blackout yesterday, either, although I wasn't trying to go on Wikipedia...and my blogs were unsullied. There were codes we could enter to black them out, but no, not me. I save my protests for other issues....

    Love your new website! Totally awesome. Check for my e-mail, with a question about it.

  2. Hey Cragoids !
    Is this movie getting a decent reception over there, or do you refuse to rate it ..?


  3. I thought 'ironsky' was a soviet wrestler or something. Oh, yeah, iron sky, I get it...

    FINALLY! A Nazi comedy! All these serious Nazi films (like Inglourious Basterds) were getting me down. ;) With Udo Kier as die Moonfuehrer they cannot go wrong. I'd better go get my tickets and my skinhead repellent.

    - Dunkin' Berlinerblau

    p.s. Howz da Tokyo-yo?

  4. DB

    Captcha is not to eliminate spam. Captcha is how God sends me messages. When I can read them.


    P.S. Tokyo-to is actually the correct way to talk about greater Tokyo. So it almost wasn't a joke.

  5. God has nothing to do with Captcha; as an atheist you full well know this (I looked at your profile to be sure you weren't one of the God Fux). Thanks also for the Japanese lesson. I still prefer Tokyo-yo, even though I know nothing about Tokyo except that my friends there tell me it's "all Blade Runner and stuff."