I was just now going to wikipedia, as one does when, well, you know. I was probably looking up some factoid to include in the non-bullshit segment of the Dunkin’ Berliner Blog, just to make sure I had my facts straight, in order to keep this here blog from tumbling into the Abyss of Total Bullshit (or bullscheisse as the locals say). I got the Wikipedia Blackout Page.
And it started off as such a good day: 9am, down to the donut pusher; drei pfannkuchen mit kirsch, bitte, chuckles from the staff at my lousy pronunciation, me clearing my throat and throwing such a DRRRRRReeeiiii at them that the staff and customers had the biggest chuckle that this here one man donut theater has ever witnessed in the presence of fresh donuts; back to the flat to push the last bit of code over the cliff and launch my long-awaited (mainly by myself) new photography website into the cyberwaves; bowl of Turkish coffee Czech style, throw a fistful of espresso and boiling water into the biggest fuckoff coffee mug I could find at the Boxhagener flea market for under ein Euro, a veritable Cornucopia of Christian Crank, as it were; chase out the cobwebs and become the productive human I always knew I would be; last bits of website done by noon, all contacts in address book spammed profusely by 1pm.
Met my photographer buddy for tea and crumpets (I don’t even know WTF a crumpet is but it looks good when I write it); discussed the downfall of Western Civilization and/or the need for more work in the barren Berlin wastelands; went out for Vietnamese food; returned home...
BLACKOUT. I couldn’t get The Knowledge. Instead, I got the stark blackout page announcing a protest of some dumbass legislation in Amerkkka about the internet. I’m not going to analyze it overmuch; I’m just an educated hick from Sacramento with a penchant for deep fried lard pastry and too much time on his hands.
For the record: I tried to contact my Congressman but I don’t have one; if I did I’d surely be on his hit list. I wanted to fb the hell out of it, but I was thrown such a shit storm of illegible captcha that I thought the Black House was taken over by Sharia law. Try this: hit refresh over and over in the captcha form. Watch it degrade into a bigger and bigger mush of squiggly lines.
“And they were singin’ bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove a Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.”
“You can have my [insert sacred item here*] when you pry it from my cold, dead hand.”
[Fade to black]
*suggestions: donut, gun, internet, brain, money, doobie, booby, crucifix