Saturday, September 13, 2014

Danke. Dankeverymuch.

A donut donation from The Honourable Husband at Deutschland über Elvis caused the Dunkin’ Berliner to buy a whole box of donuts, dress up like Elvis and stuff those tasty puppies into his Viva Las Vegas face.*  Buh-huh huh.

Achtung!  The following blog post contains excessive food porn. And Elvis impersonation.
You have been warned.

A well my hands are shaky
and my knees are weak,
I can't seem to stand on my own two feet,
Who do you thank when you have such luck?
Thanks, Honourable Husband (burp),

I’m all sugared up.
Buh-huh huh. Ooh. Yay-uh-yeeaaaaah, yeah!

I created a donate donut button (TOP RIGHT. Can you see it? Dontcha wanna press that puppy RIGHT NOW?) on this site.  That little hound dog takes PayPal and/or credit cards.  In the blog post introducing my donation button (called Blog Whore or something), I stated that “If you send me some donut money (like a buck or two), I promise to stuff it in my face and start a fresh fury of feverishly fluff filled blogging that only a man with hypoglycemia and too much time on his hands can unleash.”  Or something like that.  I have received a few donut donations (mostly from my mommy, Thanks, ma!) over the years and I am very thankful that people care enough to reward this barely employed writer/photographer.

I’d like to up the ante and state here and now and for all to see:

Any and all blog donations will be met not only with the aforementioned fresh fury of feverish fluffery, but in addition, you, your name and your website will be named, thanked and linked.  Maybe even in that order.  And I will take photos of me stuffing the very donuts that YOU BOUGHT for me into my face.  I might even wear a costume.

Today’s thank you goes out to:

The Honourable Husband, whose blog Deutschland über Elvis is not really a blog about Elvis at all, much in the same way that my blog (JFKFC for the Masses) is not about Kentucky Fried chicken or JFK conspiracy theories.  I just like the mashup of JFK and KFC.  Waitaminit.  I started this paragraph thanking someone.  How did it get back to me?

Anywho, I’d like to thank the Honourable Husband for his kind blog donation of exactly enough money to buy a whole box of donuts.  You are a gentleman, a scholar and a cunning linguist.   (Ahem. At least when he talks about tits. ;)


In the immortal words of Private Elvis Presley stationed in Munich:

“Danke.  Dankeverymuch.”

Buy a sad Elvis impersonator a donut today; save an old lady from a purse snatching tomorrow.


Elvis impersonator:  Me, aka Dunkin’ Berliner, aka Melvis.  Melvis is my karaoke stage name.  Buh-huh huh.

Costume:  Some Czech chick; probably named Jana or Petra (Hey, it was along time ago, man.  I forgot).

Photography:  Gabriela Sarževská

*Ok, I didn’t eat the whole box at once; whaddaya, nuts?  That could kill a Bull Moose elephant.  I divided the box into two 3-donut dances.  Oh yeah!

Every superhero has his origin story.
See my other blog, Wide Body Jetsetter for more Melvis action.


  1. You've got that "lip thing" and "smirky face" thing down to a science! Great Elvis impersonation...and now, for some odd reason, I am drooling for a donut! Can't remember the last time I had one! Thanks!

  2. Of course you are drooling for donuts like Pavlov's hound dog. I am paid by the donut lobby to increase consumer consumption of donuts. And I'm proud to be of service.


  3. My dear Dunkster,

    You're the Devil in Disguise!

    But seriously. Your gratitude embarrasses me. It was only a box of doughnuts, lad. Bless you.

    Cheers from the Honourable Husband, and his equally honourable husband.

  4. It may be 'only a box of doughnuts' to you, but to me it is a whole box of DEEP FRIED, JELLY FILLED, FROSTED CRACK COCAINE. What else would make a middle aged man dress as Elvis?


  5. My dear Dunkin' Berliner

    This evening, on a lightning visit to Berlin on business, I found myself staying in the Hotel Estrel. My good friend the marvelous Snooker joined me for a drink, and we chanced to notice that the Ballroom featured a show called Stars in Concert. In it, a very convincing fake Elvis sang a splendid rendition of Heartbreak Hotel. The Estrel is perfectly nice place, so it totally doesn't qualify as a Heartbreak Hotel. But given its position in Neukölln, it's definitely down the end of Lonely Street.

    The Fake Elvis in the show resembled the Real Elvis a little too closely. He was a poor Fake Elvis. You, DB, are one of the least convincing Elvises I have ever seen, and thus, a superb Fake Elvis. Mad props. Herewith, proof of concept.


    Cheers, THH.

    PS. DISCLAIMER: Snooks and I ended the evening both a little tipsy.

  6. Danke. Dankeverymuch. Yes, I believe that to truly impersonate Elvis you should look as fake as possible--or at least implausible. My favorite Elvii have always been the Asian Elvii, the Black Elvii, the Dwarf Elvii, etc. Now if we can just get Snookums there into an Elvis costume, we just might have something!