BICYCLE! BICYCLE!

PART DEUX: SECOND CHANCE SECOND HAND BIKE

I bought another black, beat up, flea market piece o' crap bike.  The first one was stolen just 3 weeks after I had bought it.  I simpered, I whined, I blogged about it.  The blog included a completely unrelated video of the Bicycle song by Queen.  It was catharsis with a Capital ARSE.  Damn it felt good.

Now I have another one.  It is black.  It is beat up.  The lights don't work and the brakes are sheise, just like my previous bike (sob, sniff).  So I decided to take my new/old bike on a long  ride in the German and Polish countryside.  Or rather, that was decided for me.  As I mentioned in my previous bike blog:  I ONLY OWN A BIKE TO CARRY BEER CRATES ON THE BACK RACK.  But someone dared me, nay, DOUBLE* dared me.  Anyone sense a theme here (crap, db, you say 'double,' 'deux' and 'second hand' more than anyone I know)?

We had planned to go on a day trip to Poland for pierogi and vodka, as you do from time to time when you get tired of the BILLIONS of things to do in Berlin.  There was to be a stop in a German village or two for castle and countryside snapshots.  Being a photo dude, I opted in.  One hour before the train was scheduled to depart, I got a message which read, 'Listen, bitch, git yo honky ass on yo bike and bring it wit yo dumb ass to da train, nigga.'  Actually, the message was 'They said you had a bike, bring it with you', but a British person in the group told an American in the group that I had a bike and the translation went completely downhill from there.  Then it got filtered through my fragile ego as a dare.  Hence the careless use of the N word.

So, here is a picture of  my NEW/OLD bike.  Note the old scratched out paint at the top of the photo:  '63.5 km to Berlin.'  I would like to say that I biked all that way and took a brief pause to take a photo.  But nobody would believe a man who has a jelly donut for an avatar.

*Sponsored by DOUBLEMINT Gum.  MMMMMmmmmmm.  MMmmmmMINTY.

BICYCLE! BICYCLE!

"Someone stole my bicycle
Someone stole my bike.
I want to ride my bicycle.
I want to ride it where I like."

-Sung to the Queen tune 'Bicycle Race.'

I had never heard of this Queen song before I lived in the Czech Republic. Then I heard it almost daily on any radio station they had. Perhaps it was the only Queen song they could get for under 50 bucks. I would have thought 'Bohemian Rhapsody' would have been more appropriate while living in Prague. But they sure played the living fuck out of 'We Are the Champions' when they won the Olympic Hockey Thing.

But now the Bicycle song runs through my head every day. It follows me as I walk the streets of Berlin. Yes, I walk the streets now. Before I used to ride my BICYCLE!!!! before some random street junkie Deutschbag stole it.

I really want to ride my bicycle. I really want to ride my bike. It was the first bike I had since I was a teenager. I was flying down busy Berlin boulevards and seeing things I wouldn't ordinarily see while walking (and at higher speeds).

My bike was the most beat up piece of flea market shit loose change could buy:

- scratchy black paint
- rusty chain
- torn, wobbly seat
- broken lights and reflectors (all of them)
- bad brakes bolted on backwards

And yet, locked inside my apartment building's entrance, wheels locked to the frame, alongside at least 20 bikes locked the same way, 20 other bikes worth at least 100 euros each--they stole mine.

My bike cost 35 euros including the chain. I mean, Jesus H. Lapdancing Christ, are you SERIOUS? What kind of CRACK can you score from this heist???!!!!!???? I hope your 'fence' laughed his ass off when he saw your 'score.' I hope he sold you some watered down heroin soaked in paint thinner. Seriously, dude. You're a fucking loser. Heh.